i am realizing i have addictive/obsessive tendencies. UGH, two things that never seem to be a good fit. My latest victims have been boots, hockey, and knitting... And hockey has been a love of mine since i was about 15, so i've spent over half of my life memorized by men on skates- which makes me want to crack some Brian Boitano/Kurt Browning joke- but i digress... In that case i've given up and accepted that fact. i'm pretty sure in high school when the senior mosts were done i would have been most likely to marry a hockey player- which so far hasn't come true- although, if you know any single gentlemen send them my way- especially if they are Canadian... again, i digress and am divulging way too much about my weakness for Canadian men, and have veered way off topic...
i did find some boots that fit my fancy, and it was a traumatic experience since my body/legs seem to not fit into the mold of average. This is where the obsession becomes unhealthy, and was where i was originally going- it becomes unhealthy when there has been a mold created for us by society, and we do not fit it... it used to get me depressed with the realization that i was not ____(fill in the blank, taller, smaller, blond, prettier, etc the list goes on forever). Now i think it just makes me mad. i get mad because we were created by a Creator who delights in us-- DELIGHTS in us. i feel like we are robbed of accepting ourselves for who we are created to be, and what we are created for. i guess i also loose patience when others are so blatantly rude when it come to those who are not ______(fill in the blank).
We were/are created to be a reflection of God, so who am i to judge? And for those who judge me i am learning to not take that judgement personally, because it may be directed toward me, and it may be about me- but that does not define me (i guess unless i were a horrible human being, and then if that were the case- please tell me)...
Praise God we are more than we think we are, and are loved way more than we deserve....
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
things realized while checking voicemail
1. Don't start with hey it's me - sometimes a voice is hard to place. Also, giving your name is a good idea so i know who i'm calling.
2. If during the message it gives a better alternative like it, email go with that, the voicemail knows what it's talking about.
3. If they don't return the first two of your calls it's best to assume they may never call you back. And continued calls won't work.
4. Don't say 'hey i'm also going to leave you an email too...' - it wastes time for you both.
5. If you say call me back you should probably leave your phone number, it makes calling you back a lot easier.
6. If your message is more than 30 seconds and it says leave an email just do email i don't want a war and peace length message.
7. If you calls and emails go unanswered resorting to phone stalking isn't going to start working for you suddenly.
8. Hang up before the beep.
9. Even if you start out weak on the message with a lot of um's and then dead silence, don't hang up and then call back.
10. Have a clue to why you are leaving the message (see #9.)
11. Don't threaten on voicemail, you just look like a jerk.
12. Not to be rude, but your life story isn't always appropriate to be recited on voicemail. And the stirrings for sympathy even if deserved doesn't really translate to voicemail very well.
13. Make sure you hang up the phone before making any opinions you may have.
14. When leaving your phone number it is always a good idea to go over your phone # slowly, some people may write slow.
15. If the message says 'questions involving individual inquires on... will not be returned' -those receiving the message won't call you back.
16. If you hear a beep and then silence, it might be a good idea not to swear and curse to the person in the room with you about those you were just calling- if you haven't hung the phone up they CAN hear you. You then may be subject to #17.
17. If you say ridiculous things be prepared that your message may at some point be played aloud to a room of co-workers or strangers, and they probably will either be laughing at you, or discussing your jerk factor. It may be unprofessional i know, but sometimes that can lighten the room.
18. F/U (follow ups) may not be ideal if they are sent via voicemail, emails seem to work better for all.
19. Depending on who you are leaving the message for saying 'it's Wednesday' doesn't help especially since there are 52 Wednesdays a year.
Up next my do's and don'ts when looking for jobs. This may take awhile since i have a lot, and many good ones' and want to remember them all, or at least the best of.
2. If during the message it gives a better alternative like it, email go with that, the voicemail knows what it's talking about.
3. If they don't return the first two of your calls it's best to assume they may never call you back. And continued calls won't work.
4. Don't say 'hey i'm also going to leave you an email too...' - it wastes time for you both.
5. If you say call me back you should probably leave your phone number, it makes calling you back a lot easier.
6. If your message is more than 30 seconds and it says leave an email just do email i don't want a war and peace length message.
7. If you calls and emails go unanswered resorting to phone stalking isn't going to start working for you suddenly.
8. Hang up before the beep.
9. Even if you start out weak on the message with a lot of um's and then dead silence, don't hang up and then call back.
10. Have a clue to why you are leaving the message (see #9.)
11. Don't threaten on voicemail, you just look like a jerk.
12. Not to be rude, but your life story isn't always appropriate to be recited on voicemail. And the stirrings for sympathy even if deserved doesn't really translate to voicemail very well.
13. Make sure you hang up the phone before making any opinions you may have.
14. When leaving your phone number it is always a good idea to go over your phone # slowly, some people may write slow.
15. If the message says 'questions involving individual inquires on... will not be returned' -those receiving the message won't call you back.
16. If you hear a beep and then silence, it might be a good idea not to swear and curse to the person in the room with you about those you were just calling- if you haven't hung the phone up they CAN hear you. You then may be subject to #17.
17. If you say ridiculous things be prepared that your message may at some point be played aloud to a room of co-workers or strangers, and they probably will either be laughing at you, or discussing your jerk factor. It may be unprofessional i know, but sometimes that can lighten the room.
18. F/U (follow ups) may not be ideal if they are sent via voicemail, emails seem to work better for all.
19. Depending on who you are leaving the message for saying 'it's Wednesday' doesn't help especially since there are 52 Wednesdays a year.
Up next my do's and don'ts when looking for jobs. This may take awhile since i have a lot, and many good ones' and want to remember them all, or at least the best of.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
revolations
i had the thought the other day that although i can see God working everywhere but home i had forgotten that God is here in Portland, and is working through us. It may not be through an AIDS ministry or through a star filled sky, but i see God working in what i would call the mundane- God hasn't forgotten us, we've(i've) forgotten to look for God.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Kia Ora
i think that's the Kiwi hello.
just wanted to say that Melodie, and i got here safe and sound. We arrived 5 am, and were up around 3ish for breakfast on the plane. 3 am is way to early for breakfast, but i wasn't sleeping so it doesn't really matter.
Right now we are looking into different options of what to do and see, maybe a train ride to Wellington, and then the ferry to Christchurch.
The weather is beautiful today- and this girl is TIRED.
We were greeted with the kiss of New Zealand mist this morning. for me it was a perfect way to start this trip.
just wanted to say that Melodie, and i got here safe and sound. We arrived 5 am, and were up around 3ish for breakfast on the plane. 3 am is way to early for breakfast, but i wasn't sleeping so it doesn't really matter.
Right now we are looking into different options of what to do and see, maybe a train ride to Wellington, and then the ferry to Christchurch.
The weather is beautiful today- and this girl is TIRED.
We were greeted with the kiss of New Zealand mist this morning. for me it was a perfect way to start this trip.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
wondering
do you ever look at a picture of yourself and think 'is that what i really look like, barf- not very flattering'...
Friday, August 07, 2009
working together...
i do have to say i am starting to worry over the polarization of this country. i have to say i have a very hard time listening to either extreme.
i can't say i am much better, i admit i get my information from NPR, and the BBC, but tonight i was flipping through the channels and heard a very opinionated political commentator with a new book on CSPAN, and my tolerance disappeared. i am ashamed to say i wanted to throw the remote through the TV. i wanted to hear what this person had to say. i don't know if it was what was said, or if it was that this person was only fueling the fire of polarization, intolerance, and superiority. As someone who would call them self a Christian i found the words spoken contrary to what Christ spoke.
What i find so disheartening is that we cannot respectfully disagree in this country. It feels like our attitude is it's my way, and you are stupid, wrong, and a sorry excuse for a human being. Maybe that's why i got/get so frustrated.
What i find funny in some way is that we think as Americans we can be so self-absorbed and believe we have all the answers. Last summer the pastor of the church i visited in Tanzania had said they do not see other religions as the enemy, they unite together to fight a common enemy- not people, but AIDS. It may not cure those affected, but it will change their lives. Those affected with HIV would feel love, and hope.
i wonder what it would look like if we stopped looking at each other as the enemy and spent the energy fighting something instead of someone we wouldn't be so intolerant and angry. Maybe if we heard what the other said.
maybe i'm just an idealist.
Or maybe i am so non-confrontational that i get really upset by disagreements- which i know is true, and i'm okay with it. When i was in elementary school my first grade teacher told my mom she thought i would grow up to be a UN peace keeper- because i when my friends would fight at recess i would be the one to bring them together...
i can't say i am much better, i admit i get my information from NPR, and the BBC, but tonight i was flipping through the channels and heard a very opinionated political commentator with a new book on CSPAN, and my tolerance disappeared. i am ashamed to say i wanted to throw the remote through the TV. i wanted to hear what this person had to say. i don't know if it was what was said, or if it was that this person was only fueling the fire of polarization, intolerance, and superiority. As someone who would call them self a Christian i found the words spoken contrary to what Christ spoke.
What i find so disheartening is that we cannot respectfully disagree in this country. It feels like our attitude is it's my way, and you are stupid, wrong, and a sorry excuse for a human being. Maybe that's why i got/get so frustrated.
What i find funny in some way is that we think as Americans we can be so self-absorbed and believe we have all the answers. Last summer the pastor of the church i visited in Tanzania had said they do not see other religions as the enemy, they unite together to fight a common enemy- not people, but AIDS. It may not cure those affected, but it will change their lives. Those affected with HIV would feel love, and hope.
i wonder what it would look like if we stopped looking at each other as the enemy and spent the energy fighting something instead of someone we wouldn't be so intolerant and angry. Maybe if we heard what the other said.
maybe i'm just an idealist.
Or maybe i am so non-confrontational that i get really upset by disagreements- which i know is true, and i'm okay with it. When i was in elementary school my first grade teacher told my mom she thought i would grow up to be a UN peace keeper- because i when my friends would fight at recess i would be the one to bring them together...
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
i'm getting too old for this...
Today at work for some obscure reason i made reference to the Go-Go's with some co-workers, one being older than me, and two that were in their early 20's... One of them, who was 20, had no idea who the Go-Go's were. i kind of cried a little, seriously the kid had no idea who the Go-Go's were. And what is the best part is, i kept trying to explain their music, Belinda Carlisle -nothing. AND then the laughter began(by my older co-worker)...
although later when i said, 'we've got the beat' he understood- of course it was just the two of us.
This was Rocktober at the T-house like four (?) years ago, when we went dressed up as the Go-Go's, i have to say Shannon made a better Susanna Hoffs than Belinda- but me, i was Jane- i've always liked Jane.
We've got the beat, yeah.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
yet another reason why . . .
we shouldn't have bouquet toss:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8149910.stm
i'm just sayin'
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8149910.stm
i'm just sayin'
Sunday, June 07, 2009
take two...
Let me first start off by saying how much i relish my Sunday morning routine of listening to NPR, and drink tea. They just finished a story on a man who relived a few awkward stages in his life, kindergarden, summer camp, and the prom.
i just love the idea of him going back and recreating positive memories to counteract those that have haunted him in his 48 years.
----- _________________________________ -----
i believe my failures, my awkwardness, my pain, have woven themselves along with my triumphs, my joy to create the tapestry of who i am now. i would never want to change anything from my past. i see those things that i was a late bloomer/early bloomer on have helped me become who i am, and daily i'm learning to appreciate who i have become.
There is a difference between a do over, and wanting to replace the past.
i say this as i plan to go to New Zealand, a sort of do over for me. Last time i was there i was so depressed over an unworthy boy, this time i am going to live while there.
Most of my life i have been so tentative in doing anything because of fear, through small steps i really feel like i am getting to the point where fear isn't holding me back. Maybe that's the lesson here, not that i need to go back to the root of my missteps, but with every step forward know and embrace the missteps, and know they are just as part of me as the steps that lead me to who i want to be.
i just love the idea of him going back and recreating positive memories to counteract those that have haunted him in his 48 years.
----- _________________________________ -----
i believe my failures, my awkwardness, my pain, have woven themselves along with my triumphs, my joy to create the tapestry of who i am now. i would never want to change anything from my past. i see those things that i was a late bloomer/early bloomer on have helped me become who i am, and daily i'm learning to appreciate who i have become.
There is a difference between a do over, and wanting to replace the past.
i say this as i plan to go to New Zealand, a sort of do over for me. Last time i was there i was so depressed over an unworthy boy, this time i am going to live while there.
Most of my life i have been so tentative in doing anything because of fear, through small steps i really feel like i am getting to the point where fear isn't holding me back. Maybe that's the lesson here, not that i need to go back to the root of my missteps, but with every step forward know and embrace the missteps, and know they are just as part of me as the steps that lead me to who i want to be.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
i must try...
i chose this mantra for myself, because so much of my life has been determined by what i've over thought, so i was too afraid to try. It sits on a post card next to my door that i curse every morning when all i want to do is give up.
i think since i have started repeating this to myself i have grown a lot. It kind of pisses me off too, because then that means that i must try. Trying is hard, and there are a million cliches about how butterflies must work to get out of their cocoon to truly experience what God had in mind for its life, and remembering them brings out the cynic in me. i guess when i sit down and think about the results from trying it makes it worth it.
it's just too bad trying isn't as easy as deciding that maybe you should try bangs on your next hair cut.
-----
so i guess i must try. . .
i think since i have started repeating this to myself i have grown a lot. It kind of pisses me off too, because then that means that i must try. Trying is hard, and there are a million cliches about how butterflies must work to get out of their cocoon to truly experience what God had in mind for its life, and remembering them brings out the cynic in me. i guess when i sit down and think about the results from trying it makes it worth it.
it's just too bad trying isn't as easy as deciding that maybe you should try bangs on your next hair cut.
-----
so i guess i must try. . .
Sunday, May 17, 2009
pondering...
i wish i could say that i've had some inspiration as of late, but lately i feel like i'm in survival mode.
Right now i'm living for August, when i'm going on vacation.
i realized i have like three drafts from blogs i've started, but was uninspired to finish.
i read Kathleen Norris' Cloister Walk, and well, it almost inspired me to become a Benedictine Nun... Maybe not the direction i was shooting for though...
i feel tired and run down most of the time. It makes me realize how tired i am of me & day to day life. It's funny that i think i am the most boring person to ever grace this earth- which would be so hard since there are so many people past, present, and in the future- but i live with me all of the time (and i'm kind of sick of me)... A lot of my thoughts around this go back to the time i spent in Tanzania, and how many of my friends there live for others. i wonder if that is the holy grail we miss here.
Last night i watched the puffy chair, which was recommended by a friend, and it was such a difficult movie to watch. i really didn't like most of the characters. And i most definitely resented that the girlfriend was labeled as 'high maintenance' when all i felt that she wanted from her boyfriend was to be treated as a priority in his life. i do think i watched the movie from my early thirties, tired of the slacker male hero movie. i do think he(main character) is/was the anti-hero, and that's the point, which then sort of redeems the main character for me.(Do you like how i just contradicted myself? i like to think i'm processing this out...) That leads to a greater question, do we need a hero? What would the purpose be?
Right now i'm living for August, when i'm going on vacation.
i realized i have like three drafts from blogs i've started, but was uninspired to finish.
i read Kathleen Norris' Cloister Walk, and well, it almost inspired me to become a Benedictine Nun... Maybe not the direction i was shooting for though...
i feel tired and run down most of the time. It makes me realize how tired i am of me & day to day life. It's funny that i think i am the most boring person to ever grace this earth- which would be so hard since there are so many people past, present, and in the future- but i live with me all of the time (and i'm kind of sick of me)... A lot of my thoughts around this go back to the time i spent in Tanzania, and how many of my friends there live for others. i wonder if that is the holy grail we miss here.
Last night i watched the puffy chair, which was recommended by a friend, and it was such a difficult movie to watch. i really didn't like most of the characters. And i most definitely resented that the girlfriend was labeled as 'high maintenance' when all i felt that she wanted from her boyfriend was to be treated as a priority in his life. i do think i watched the movie from my early thirties, tired of the slacker male hero movie. i do think he(main character) is/was the anti-hero, and that's the point, which then sort of redeems the main character for me.(Do you like how i just contradicted myself? i like to think i'm processing this out...) That leads to a greater question, do we need a hero? What would the purpose be?
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
25 things about liz
i'm 'borrowing" for my friend Leisha, and instead of posting the 25 things... from facebook, i'm posting it here, only b/c as it follows don't like chain letters so i don't want to give others the guilt of posting... plus it's an update, and i have to use them when i can.
1. Named after both Grandmothers
2. have always wanted to be different than everyone else- must be a Capricorn thing
3. In the 2 grade tried out for Jr. Rose Princess against my will & then to reflect comment 2 didn't try to impress the judges with my looks, but used my humor to make the audience laugh
4. been at current employer 14 years
5. LUV the Shins - if i have kids i may want to name them the shins. . . Got an application today from a 16 or 17 yo whose name was Unique. Seriously, Unique was the child's name. . .kind of want to bring 'em in just to satisfy my curiosity.
6. like that i'm short- may again reflect comment 2
7. favorite Sport- hockey
8. either would have been voted in high school most likely to have been forgotten, or most likely to marry a hockey player. . .
9. think it would be cool to be Canadian
10. love the smell of rain
11. worship through awe
12. have always wanted to be a Goonie
13. 13 going on 30 is a guilty pleasure
14. have had a crush on Rob Morrow for 15 years
15. four food groups would be cheese, wine, bread, & curry
16. admire the diversity that is Portland
17. Patty Griffin sings the words of my soul
18. very clumsy
19. believes in peace
20. awkward moments define my life
21. thought about being a music therapist at one point in life
22. let fear stop me from doing somethings i've always wanted to be/do
23. won a state award in photo journalism in high school
24. lettered in choir in high school
25. working/walking toward progress
1. Named after both Grandmothers
2. have always wanted to be different than everyone else- must be a Capricorn thing
3. In the 2 grade tried out for Jr. Rose Princess against my will & then to reflect comment 2 didn't try to impress the judges with my looks, but used my humor to make the audience laugh
4. been at current employer 14 years
5. LUV the Shins - if i have kids i may want to name them the shins. . . Got an application today from a 16 or 17 yo whose name was Unique. Seriously, Unique was the child's name. . .kind of want to bring 'em in just to satisfy my curiosity.
6. like that i'm short- may again reflect comment 2
7. favorite Sport- hockey
8. either would have been voted in high school most likely to have been forgotten, or most likely to marry a hockey player. . .
9. think it would be cool to be Canadian
10. love the smell of rain
11. worship through awe
12. have always wanted to be a Goonie
13. 13 going on 30 is a guilty pleasure
14. have had a crush on Rob Morrow for 15 years
15. four food groups would be cheese, wine, bread, & curry
16. admire the diversity that is Portland
17. Patty Griffin sings the words of my soul
18. very clumsy
19. believes in peace
20. awkward moments define my life
21. thought about being a music therapist at one point in life
22. let fear stop me from doing somethings i've always wanted to be/do
23. won a state award in photo journalism in high school
24. lettered in choir in high school
25. working/walking toward progress
Sunday, January 04, 2009
... peace ...
i can never seem to remember when i've written down things that i'm pondering through, and most words come back into my vocabulary and resonate with me- so i feel often like a broken record.
Right now my favorite word it peace. And it's been for a while for so many reasons. i love the hippie peace movement, i love the idea of a state of tranquility. i love that it has a symbol, and well a hand gesture.
i met a girl when i was in Tanzania who's name is Peace, and i work with someone who it happens to be his last name- i think they are lucky to have such a beautiful word associated with them.
Over Christmas my twisted sense of humor thought i was funny by trying to teach my 4 1/2 year old niece to say peace out, but that's only because i think it's such a funny phrase coming out of such a small child.
As i sit and reflect on this simple word that at times has lost it's meaning it brings me such tranquility. i can feel every ounce of me relax. Tonight during the gathering service one song we sang was peace, and as i sang this same feeling of tranquility began to pour in me into the cracks of anxiety, and then without judgement although the note of irony began to relax my soul.
Usually it feels it takes longer to pass over that anxious moment of trying to find a solution to my problem, but it felt great in that moment to sing' breathe peace, breathe your peace on us, so we might breathe you deep'. i'm not self-evolved to usually take something so obvious and not think 'couldn't you have let me for a little bit longer felt the way i do?'
calmer than the sky
far away so blue
land of living God
grant your peace on earth
we can feel you move
and cannot stay the same
the winds are blowing strong
God of heaven come
(chorus:)
breathe peace
breathe your peace on us
so we might breathe you deep
breathe peace
breathe your peace on us
land of the living God
if we are in the way
move us to the side
God forgive our wrongs
rest your hands on us
all the world is yours
let us not forget
it was you who bore the cross
God of comfort breathe
(chorus)
This year may you find peace within your self, may you find peace in the world around you; may you grant peace to with those you interact.
~Peace~
Right now my favorite word it peace. And it's been for a while for so many reasons. i love the hippie peace movement, i love the idea of a state of tranquility. i love that it has a symbol, and well a hand gesture.
i met a girl when i was in Tanzania who's name is Peace, and i work with someone who it happens to be his last name- i think they are lucky to have such a beautiful word associated with them.
Over Christmas my twisted sense of humor thought i was funny by trying to teach my 4 1/2 year old niece to say peace out, but that's only because i think it's such a funny phrase coming out of such a small child.
As i sit and reflect on this simple word that at times has lost it's meaning it brings me such tranquility. i can feel every ounce of me relax. Tonight during the gathering service one song we sang was peace, and as i sang this same feeling of tranquility began to pour in me into the cracks of anxiety, and then without judgement although the note of irony began to relax my soul.
Usually it feels it takes longer to pass over that anxious moment of trying to find a solution to my problem, but it felt great in that moment to sing' breathe peace, breathe your peace on us, so we might breathe you deep'. i'm not self-evolved to usually take something so obvious and not think 'couldn't you have let me for a little bit longer felt the way i do?'
calmer than the sky
far away so blue
land of living God
grant your peace on earth
we can feel you move
and cannot stay the same
the winds are blowing strong
God of heaven come
(chorus:)
breathe peace
breathe your peace on us
so we might breathe you deep
breathe peace
breathe your peace on us
land of the living God
if we are in the way
move us to the side
God forgive our wrongs
rest your hands on us
all the world is yours
let us not forget
it was you who bore the cross
God of comfort breathe
(chorus)
This year may you find peace within your self, may you find peace in the world around you; may you grant peace to with those you interact.
~Peace~
Friday, December 19, 2008
snow confessions
i am partially excited for this weeks' snow storm... i seem to have a love/hate relationship with the snow... It really has some great memories from when i was younger. It too could have been the no school excitement to snow. Although after having to drag myself to work this week, and the great possibility that i will have to do the same tomorrow- my great love affair with the snow is coming to an end.
i had to stop into the mall downtown, and while i was leaving there were siblings sitting on Santa's lap. i've been flooded this year with memories of years' past. i miss the innocence from the past, i miss the anticipation that this season, and i miss the joy i felt from the season... This gets brought up when it snows, and instead of the urge to make snow angeles, and snowmen- i curse the snow under my breath, and hope my bus doesn't take more than 20 minutes to pick me up for work...
i had to stop into the mall downtown, and while i was leaving there were siblings sitting on Santa's lap. i've been flooded this year with memories of years' past. i miss the innocence from the past, i miss the anticipation that this season, and i miss the joy i felt from the season... This gets brought up when it snows, and instead of the urge to make snow angeles, and snowmen- i curse the snow under my breath, and hope my bus doesn't take more than 20 minutes to pick me up for work...
Monday, December 01, 2008
In observance of World AIDS day
i've been struck with the thought 'how does one be mindful of World AIDS day?' Truly it's in poor taste to say 'Happy World AIDS day' like it was Christmas. And it wasn't until a moment ago that i even thought of the word observance, because truly that is what it is. All day though i have it's been on my mind, this disease has claimed too many lives, too many fathers, too many mothers, sons, daughters, loved ones'... This disease has left too many orphaned...
It grieves me to think of those who have been and are close to my heart that have lived with HIV/AIDS, but it also grieves me to think of anyone daily living with disease that strips a person of identity and eventually kills them. This is truly a disease that no one should be exposed to, because not only does the person living with HIV live with being sick almost all of the time, the loss of a healthy immune system, but also the stigma that comes along with what we as a society has deemed an 'unclean' disease. It is my belief no matter what it is in a persons' life, no one deserves HIV.
What really scares me is the thought that contracting HIV is back on the rise. i think i read that, or heard it on NPR or something. The thought though, terrifies me. Although we have had great advancements in medication, there still isn't a cure. It's not an epidemic, it's a pandemic.
i hope and dream that one day there will be a cure. i hope it will be in my life time, only because there are too many people in this world whose life has ended too soon.
It grieves me to think of those who have been and are close to my heart that have lived with HIV/AIDS, but it also grieves me to think of anyone daily living with disease that strips a person of identity and eventually kills them. This is truly a disease that no one should be exposed to, because not only does the person living with HIV live with being sick almost all of the time, the loss of a healthy immune system, but also the stigma that comes along with what we as a society has deemed an 'unclean' disease. It is my belief no matter what it is in a persons' life, no one deserves HIV.
What really scares me is the thought that contracting HIV is back on the rise. i think i read that, or heard it on NPR or something. The thought though, terrifies me. Although we have had great advancements in medication, there still isn't a cure. It's not an epidemic, it's a pandemic.
i hope and dream that one day there will be a cure. i hope it will be in my life time, only because there are too many people in this world whose life has ended too soon.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Does God have an odd sense of humor?
i think yes, only because while shopping at Fred Meyer's Monday (on Glisan) while i was mindless walking down looking at finger nail polish this i notice this guy looking very panicked and then turns around and goes down the isle that he was just in.
'how odd' i think, then i realized he looked familiar and then realized he just might be my bus driver sans the glasses. so then the rest of my shopping experience was jacked up with the fear that i would see him again, and then i got really insecure with my purchases like i would be judged on my hair dye and orange juice, good thing i didn't need to buy tampons!
i saw him at check out-which i went to the opposite end of checkers, had to walk by him when i left, saw what i thought was his car, and then had a panic attack while walking down Glisan toward home, saw his car again, and then almost barfed while having to cross in front of his car at the crosswalk.
i think he might be stalking me, or he may think i'm stalking him.
too bad i don't believe in fate.
i find some much discontentment in this that where i haven't seen this person in like six months i then run into him six times in the span of half an hour.
'how odd' i think, then i realized he looked familiar and then realized he just might be my bus driver sans the glasses. so then the rest of my shopping experience was jacked up with the fear that i would see him again, and then i got really insecure with my purchases like i would be judged on my hair dye and orange juice, good thing i didn't need to buy tampons!
i saw him at check out-which i went to the opposite end of checkers, had to walk by him when i left, saw what i thought was his car, and then had a panic attack while walking down Glisan toward home, saw his car again, and then almost barfed while having to cross in front of his car at the crosswalk.
i think he might be stalking me, or he may think i'm stalking him.
too bad i don't believe in fate.
i find some much discontentment in this that where i haven't seen this person in like six months i then run into him six times in the span of half an hour.
Friday, November 14, 2008
pardon me while i rant...
One of my least favorite things is to be hit on... sometimes i admit i don't realize what's going on until it's too late, or the moment has passed.
i was on the MAX today going to meet friends in N. Portland, when 'Benny' sat next too me. He was a cute guy, smelt a lot like the beer he was drinking, and then he proceeds to hit on me. i try not to lie, but when there is some crazy drunk next to you asking you if you have a boyfriend, it's just easier to say 'yes i have a boyfriend' 'yes it's serious' 'yes, he's a big guy, and would beat you'.
And that would have been something that was bad really at all- until he while he was getting up to leave telling me how great it was to meet me, and that i should thank my parents for having good genetics for me to be 'cute'- he leans in for a hug (by the way, i'm knitting the entire time trying not to engage a conversation about drinking on public transportation), and along with the hug i get a beer drenched kiss on the cheek.
And i lost one of my favorite scarfs.
Isn't it a full moon or something?
i was on the MAX today going to meet friends in N. Portland, when 'Benny' sat next too me. He was a cute guy, smelt a lot like the beer he was drinking, and then he proceeds to hit on me. i try not to lie, but when there is some crazy drunk next to you asking you if you have a boyfriend, it's just easier to say 'yes i have a boyfriend' 'yes it's serious' 'yes, he's a big guy, and would beat you'.
And that would have been something that was bad really at all- until he while he was getting up to leave telling me how great it was to meet me, and that i should thank my parents for having good genetics for me to be 'cute'- he leans in for a hug (by the way, i'm knitting the entire time trying not to engage a conversation about drinking on public transportation), and along with the hug i get a beer drenched kiss on the cheek.
And i lost one of my favorite scarfs.
Isn't it a full moon or something?
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
AWOL
i feel really awol in life right now. i hate engaging at work because i don't feel really feel that's is the place for me to relax. Right now i'm ready a Buddhist book on acceptance. i do find it enlightening even just recognizing my feelings, and naming them in the moment instead of stuffing them.
There are these definite times when i think back to God's acceptance and love for us, and how we are to love others, and then i am so convicted of those i don't love, and quite honestly don't like at all.
There are these definite times when i think back to God's acceptance and love for us, and how we are to love others, and then i am so convicted of those i don't love, and quite honestly don't like at all.
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