i chose this mantra for myself, because so much of my life has been determined by what i've over thought, so i was too afraid to try. It sits on a post card next to my door that i curse every morning when all i want to do is give up.
i think since i have started repeating this to myself i have grown a lot. It kind of pisses me off too, because then that means that i must try. Trying is hard, and there are a million cliches about how butterflies must work to get out of their cocoon to truly experience what God had in mind for its life, and remembering them brings out the cynic in me. i guess when i sit down and think about the results from trying it makes it worth it.
it's just too bad trying isn't as easy as deciding that maybe you should try bangs on your next hair cut.
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so i guess i must try. . .
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
pondering...
i wish i could say that i've had some inspiration as of late, but lately i feel like i'm in survival mode.
Right now i'm living for August, when i'm going on vacation.
i realized i have like three drafts from blogs i've started, but was uninspired to finish.
i read Kathleen Norris' Cloister Walk, and well, it almost inspired me to become a Benedictine Nun... Maybe not the direction i was shooting for though...
i feel tired and run down most of the time. It makes me realize how tired i am of me & day to day life. It's funny that i think i am the most boring person to ever grace this earth- which would be so hard since there are so many people past, present, and in the future- but i live with me all of the time (and i'm kind of sick of me)... A lot of my thoughts around this go back to the time i spent in Tanzania, and how many of my friends there live for others. i wonder if that is the holy grail we miss here.
Last night i watched the puffy chair, which was recommended by a friend, and it was such a difficult movie to watch. i really didn't like most of the characters. And i most definitely resented that the girlfriend was labeled as 'high maintenance' when all i felt that she wanted from her boyfriend was to be treated as a priority in his life. i do think i watched the movie from my early thirties, tired of the slacker male hero movie. i do think he(main character) is/was the anti-hero, and that's the point, which then sort of redeems the main character for me.(Do you like how i just contradicted myself? i like to think i'm processing this out...) That leads to a greater question, do we need a hero? What would the purpose be?
Right now i'm living for August, when i'm going on vacation.
i realized i have like three drafts from blogs i've started, but was uninspired to finish.
i read Kathleen Norris' Cloister Walk, and well, it almost inspired me to become a Benedictine Nun... Maybe not the direction i was shooting for though...
i feel tired and run down most of the time. It makes me realize how tired i am of me & day to day life. It's funny that i think i am the most boring person to ever grace this earth- which would be so hard since there are so many people past, present, and in the future- but i live with me all of the time (and i'm kind of sick of me)... A lot of my thoughts around this go back to the time i spent in Tanzania, and how many of my friends there live for others. i wonder if that is the holy grail we miss here.
Last night i watched the puffy chair, which was recommended by a friend, and it was such a difficult movie to watch. i really didn't like most of the characters. And i most definitely resented that the girlfriend was labeled as 'high maintenance' when all i felt that she wanted from her boyfriend was to be treated as a priority in his life. i do think i watched the movie from my early thirties, tired of the slacker male hero movie. i do think he(main character) is/was the anti-hero, and that's the point, which then sort of redeems the main character for me.(Do you like how i just contradicted myself? i like to think i'm processing this out...) That leads to a greater question, do we need a hero? What would the purpose be?
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