Football games and apples

It really now is starting to feel like fall.

Last night i went to my first football game in 10 years i think. They really haven't changed much. i can't say that i have either, although when i went to home games i was usually taking pictures for the yearbook, or the school paper. It was fun watch these young men play. They seemed so young and small. It seems like so long ago that being in the stands trying to decide if i cared that my school won. (Corbett played a great game last night, unfortunately for them they lost.)



Today was the ritual of going up to hood river for apples. i love apples, and squash. i have so much of the two i don't know what i'll do...Probably eat a lot of apples, pears, and squash. i really enjoy spending time with my family, well, the normal ones anyways. Although, i always discover some more of the oddness that is my family. i'm grateful that there are a few of us who are not crazy to keep me company.

Doubting Thomas am I

What about me makes me so full of doubt? i'm too often too afraid to hope for happiness, only because for me it always seems to be a let down. Vulnerable moment coming up... i spent today on the verge of tears, maybe due to lack of sleep, lack of self-esteem, but what ever it was, today it oppressed me.
To feel sad sometimes for me feels narcissistic, because i am so me focused... And i am so tired of me.
There are just those things that keep kicking me in my gut that i thought were gone, but keep rearing their ugly head.