Election years lately have done nothing but truly antagonize the worst in me- they cause deep rage in me.

Mostly because of the mass polarization of politics. i am ashamed that i ranted on a friends blog- only because i deeply resent the idea that one must be conservative to have any faith in God. Plus it's patronizing- it doesn't prove one right to be condescending- it only proves arrogance. Also, i know many people who have been negatively affected by this mind frame as well. After reading this guy's comment on my friends blog my first thought was "God save us from your people."

The fact of the matter is, that i am liberal. . . Maybe even progressive- possibly. i grew up in a family where my mom was a Democrat, and my dad did not belong to a political party on the mere fact that one should stand up for what they believe, and vote for the person who represents those beliefs.
At 18, i was really excited the first time- i went with my dad. Famously to his nature he spent 15 minutes lecturing me on the importance of voting for who i thought would do the best job, stressing not to allow a political party dictate how i would vote. And so for 12 years following his example i have let my conscious, and beliefs influence how i would vote.
What i hate most about the bickering between the two parties is the polarization- us vs. them. i blame famous commentators who really are so closed minded to think that the opposition could/would have a better idea. It really bothers me that they can be considered 'reliable' news to some. Maybe it's an American thing to do- get news not from a reliable news source, but one that agrees with what you believe. i do have a hang up about the news media anyways- but there's no room for it here and now.

Why is liberal a bad word? Jesus speaks more of caring for the poor than judgement. That's liberal. Jesus stood up for prostitute, again, liberal. He was much more radical, and liberal than we give him credit.

A friend of mine was at a toastmasters meeting (public speaking), there was woman there who said that maybe we should send the politicians to the moon- so they can see the world for what it is, and what connects us goes so much deeper than what separates us.

We are all humans capable of horrible things- but why can't we look to find the good instead of bad. Why can't we find what we have in common and fight for those things. why can't we listen to those we don't always agree with, and love all who were created by the same Creator who created us- a Creator who loves us each so intimately, and fulfill what we were created to do- love.

Believe in you


i see this written on the sidewalk on the corner of NE 15th & Alberta.
It's a nice reminder.

Yesterday it dawned on me that i have been home for a month, and that seems like a lifetime ago. i deeply struggle within myself processing out my trip. Maybe because although i am changed, it was easy to slip back into life at home.
For me it was amazing, and has deeply impacted my life. i cannot ever be the same, but at times i find it so difficult to verbalize my feelings.
i miss it there. . . It now becomes an ache in my soul that my not be fulfilled until i return again and again. It's funny because Portland so much is my home, and for the most part there is nowhere else i would rather be. However, as i look through my pictures i think of how much i miss the faces staring back at me.
It was hard putting my photos in an album. Honestly this is something that i am still struggling with. . . The faces, each with a story to tell and the responsibility i feel to tell their stories of joy, hope, stigma, and struggle. i realized as i was looking through my pictures that i did take some interesting shots that were artsy- but they were of stuff, and not of people. It hit me like a freight train when i was placing the photos on the pages that i couldn't, and didn't want to take 'artsy' pictures of people because then it becomes about the photo and not the person. i struggled with why i was taking their picture, which is probably why it was so easy to take like fifty pictures of the kids playing.
Now i feel like there will always be this awkwardness of the realization of what i have. i have the luxury of placing these photos in a scrap book with pretty paper, and the ability to make it look cool- but that doesn't feel right. Because if all i care about is what is cool then i do a disservice to myself (because that is not who i am), and to allow the Creator to create beauty in the mundane.


This is my friend, Erin, taking video footage of a girl we met while we were at the Ntyuka Health Center in Dodoma. This girl is my favorite memory. In my brief time with her, although we did not speak the same language i felt our souls touch, and realized that after meeting her i would never be the same.

Crush

i use this word, and it might be a good word to use in relation to relations. . . It seems odd to use a word that as a noun is used to describe infatuation, and interest when as a verb it's harmful.

Oxford says about crush:
1. to press so as to break or injure, or wrinkle, to squeeze tight.
2. to pound into small fragments.

Hello world, here is my soul

Last night i watched the movie 'the last kiss'-which i truly hated. i think mostly i hated the idea of another aimless boy stuck in the peter pan faze of life. Watching 'knocked up' really was depressing as well. Being a female gen-x-er--these two movies are a really awful interpretation of men, and our generation.
i don't see hope there. i guess each movie is supposed to end with hope-but what i walk away with is not hope, it's just sadness.
i have to say that i am more comfortable with disappointment that pops up in life, and i am terrible at hoping- honestly. i don't really think about it, because if i don't name it, it's not there, and it's safer- which is a lie.

This is so much more depressing than i thought i was going to be, and much more vulnerable.

Why i hated the last kiss was this- with his life ahead of him, he saw only an end.
He thought of himself, sacrificed his future for the present regardless of others' feelings, and he still sort of got what he wants in the end--which i guess is how grace works, getting something we do not deserve because of anothers' love for us.

.

Most of the times i don't remember my dreams-although at times i have some that totally take the cake. i almost could blame it on the fact that i accidently took my malaria medication Sunday but i had my dream Monday night so it probably wasn't the medication. . . i did think though that it did warrant a blog- warning you may want a broom because there is a lot of name dropping . . .
Fade to dream~
Jennifer Aniston and I walk into the boss' office, who happens to be James Spader, he is in there with two nurses, and this guy who who is being interogate. James Spader tells this guy 'you've left us no other choice'-the drags the guy to the window, and then throws him out the window. The guy is hung from the window because he has shoe laces tied around his wrists (some how he is supposed to suffocate this way).
However we manage Jennifer Aniston and I get away, and sneak out of the office get to her car, noticing that our boss is still there. She drives me back to my place- where James Spader is there waiting for us. He has potted tulips for each of us, i think as a peace offering. Then Jennifer Aniston is gone, and i am left alone with James Spader and we have our options of playing the Cher edition of Candyland, Cher edition of Checkers, or the Cher edition of twister.

Then my alarm went off.