pondering...

i wish i could say that i've had some inspiration as of late, but lately i feel like i'm in survival mode.
Right now i'm living for August, when i'm going on vacation.
i realized i have like three drafts from blogs i've started, but was uninspired to finish.

i read Kathleen Norris' Cloister Walk, and well, it almost inspired me to become a Benedictine Nun... Maybe not the direction i was shooting for though...

i feel tired and run down most of the time. It makes me realize how tired i am of me & day to day life. It's funny that i think i am the most boring person to ever grace this earth- which would be so hard since there are so many people past, present, and in the future- but i live with me all of the time (and i'm kind of sick of me)... A lot of my thoughts around this go back to the time i spent in Tanzania, and how many of my friends there live for others. i wonder if that is the holy grail we miss here.

Last night i watched the puffy chair, which was recommended by a friend, and it was such a difficult movie to watch. i really didn't like most of the characters. And i most definitely resented that the girlfriend was labeled as 'high maintenance' when all i felt that she wanted from her boyfriend was to be treated as a priority in his life. i do think i watched the movie from my early thirties, tired of the slacker male hero movie. i do think he(main character) is/was the anti-hero, and that's the point, which then sort of redeems the main character for me.(Do you like how i just contradicted myself? i like to think i'm processing this out...) That leads to a greater question, do we need a hero? What would the purpose be?