Coming out of the dark

i used to find so much wonder during the season of Christmas. As i've gotten older i feel that i am in the middle of an avalanche trying just to stay near the surface. Between final exams, holiday shopping, or the mass exodus of those leaving to be near their family for the holidays there never seems to be time. i think that is truly the reason that i enjoy advent.

i am now realizing that i need to give over my lack of hope, because i truly have such a hard time hoping. The hardest thing for me is to verbalize the hope because when i do put it out there then there is an expectation, and when that expectation does not pan out then disappointment quells my hope. i was taught not to be disappointed with God, so it almost felt easier to not hope, and therefore not get disappointed then to deal with the disappointment.

After tonight i feel called out of that fear to hope. For me it's going to be a process, but i do want to hope.


Hope begins in the dark. you wait and watch and work. you don't give up.~~ Anne Lamott